Pete's Log: the little things
Entry #1401, (Life in General)(posted when I was 28 years old.)
Some random stuff, followed by some goofy soulsearching:
I'm using my laptop I brought from the States to write this, and it's remarkable how thrown off I am by the US keyboard layout. In a month and a half, I became fairly accustomed to the German layout. I think it'd be funny to leave a y/z typo unfixed in this entry somewhere, because I'm definitely making plenty of them.
The USA apparently passed the 300 million population mark yesterday. At least according to census bureau calculations. Well, because of me, it took 11 seconds longer than it might have otherwise! And now I can say that I used to hang out there when they only had 299 million people, but 300 million just isn't elite enough for me.
I licked a bunch of stamps today.
I told Frank a couple days ago that being here still feels a bit like a vacation. Hopefully that feeling continues a while longer.
Sara sent me this: JPG (200 KB). Expect further details in 2-3 weeks.
And now the goofy part: I have some thoughts that are not fully formulated yet on the topic of being a nice guy. Sara pointed out to me that I may be too much of a nice guy and that girls generally seem to like assholes better. Which I didn't entirely agree with. I think being confident and assertive can get you just as far -- at least most of the time. The problem that most stereotypical "nice guys who finish last" have is that they're not confident and assertive enough. I'm convinced that I can remain nice and still get the chicks with my confidence and assertiveness. Maybe not all of them, but enough.
The only thing that really remains, then, is to keep working on the confidence/assertiveness thing. I've been good at pushing myself outside my comfort zone lately. And it's led to some fun results. At the pace I'm going, I'll end up singing Karaoke at a bar for real.
Basically, I've spent the past few days going over my outlook on life and revalidating that I'm on the right course. What it comes down to is that I'm happy with who I am, and I'd rather be true to myself than try to be something I'm not. But at the same time, I believe I can continue to push myself and grow as a person.
None of which is a breakthrough of any sorts for me, but it is good to try to write my thoughts down again. It's good to remind myself of the path I'm on. And as a strange coincidence, I just today found in a bag a heartfelt letter that a dear friend wrote me a few years ago, that confirmed that I'm doing something right -- and apparently have been for a while.
Besides, my relationship with Meg, which overall was more good than bad, is one that fell into my lap when I wasn't even looking for one. All I was doing at the time was enjoying life, trying to be a good person, and trying to push myself. Must not be a bad way to live life.